25 Things I learned
There’s this myth that at the age of 25, your brain is fully developed. The prefrontal cortex is the last part of your brain to fully develop. It manages higher level thinking, planning, emotional regulation, and impulse control.
About a month before I turned 25, I started having big, existential thoughts:
“What’s the meaning of life?”
“What is my purpose on this planet?”
“Are we just big animals that have created this society that is completely fake?”
“Do we all just work for nothing, to live and then die?”
“Is there more to this world then greed and money?”
“I don’t know anything about anything. I don’t know what I want from my life that I’ve been given.”
“Why am I freaking out about this? We’re all just going to die anyways so what’s the point?”
As you can see, it was a lot. It got to the point where I was questioning if I even like my career and what I was working towards. I told my friends some of these thoughts and they asked if I was depressed, which I didn’t feel like I was at all. My head physically hurt. I felt as if I could feel my prefrontal cortex developing. There were a lot of tears and deep thoughts that I had to sit with. And yet, I still didn’t feel depressed per se.
As a way to cope with these thoughts, I needed something that would take my mind off of them and also get me out of my apartment. I started creating a list of things that I wanted to do before I left my NYC apartment, because at the time, I was living there. Then, I remembered seeing on my socials about people who were turning 40 or 50 would have a list which they would complete before they turned that age. Most of the times, these are things they have never done before, like “go to dinner by myself.” Therein lies the problem. I go out to eat all the time BY MYSELF. (Side note: Many people I know are shocked that I do this. I don’t know why, they just are.)
What I came up with was things that I wanted to do in general. I didn’t have a complete list when I started because I was drawing a blank. I posted on my Instagram and TikTok asking for suggestions and I got a few good responses! Thank you for all the recommendations!
Here is the complete list:
25 things I want to do before I turn 25
See Charli xcx
Go to the Empire State Building
Do a photoshoot
Try a new recipe
Go out and just get the sweetest treat!!
Bike in Central Park
Watch the sunrise
Buy myself a really fancy dinner
Get a picture with the fearless girl
Try a new fast food chain
Get my nails done
Do a cooking class
Go kayaking in nyc
Go out dancing
Have a slavic day with my slavic sisters
Attend a free pop up
Go to a bar and sit at the actual bar and have a drink/read a book
Buy a bouquet of flowers for you
Try kvas
Go to a baseball game
Go see a broadway play
Go to a museum night by yourself
Walk from top of Manhattan to bottom
Go watch a movie in theatre
Go to a yoga class
Some of these I have done before. Some of them were fun NYC things. Some were things I had never done before at all. Throughout it all, I learned so much. I won’t go through every one and tell you what I learned but I will pick out a few and explain.
Walk from top of Manhattan to bottom - The most challenging! This was recommended to me and I’m so glad they did! I was so scared to do this. SO glad I did though! I learned that I can do absolutely anything if I set my mind to it. I also now think a 5 mile hike as easy, so there’s that! I would gladly walk 10 miles everyday now.
Buy myself a really fancy dinner - I go out to eat by myself a lot when traveling, so I thought this would be easy. I learned that even if it’s something you do a lot, you can still get nervous and anxious about anything. I was so scared to enter this restaurant but I ended up enjoying myself! Plus I got a free glass of wine!
Bike in Central Park - That not everything has to be successful or enjoyable and that it’s okay to embarrass yourself. I knew I wasn’t a great bike rider but I still wanted to try! I won’t be riding a bike in a city ever again but I’m glad I tried!
Buy a bouquet of flowers for you - It was nice to have something to look at when I woke up. I learned that I really don’t need a significant other in my life because at this point, I was basically dating myself. I can do anything!
Do a photoshoot - This is going to sound insane but I learned that I actually am pretty. I feel like growing up, I never felt beautiful for whatever reason. Maybe that’s just a part of being a woman or it’s societal norms. Regardless, I felt beautiful and it was nice to be in front of the camera for once instead of behind it.
The experience of doing these things whether by myself of with people taught me something in the end. I ended up recording and posting everything I did. It was just for fun and before I knew it, people were telling me how much they enjoyed watching my videos. Thank you for the support! It is all appreciative. Maybe I’ll do something like this again in the future. Overall, the big, existential thoughts never went away but I learned to live with them and live my life accordingly. They’re still there living rent free in my mind. I still don’t know what I’m doing or what I’ll do. But it’s okay. I’m not that scared anymore.